3 Things I Learned From My "Awkward" Family Photos

One of my favorite things to do while I’m waiting in line or for an appointment is to look through the 2,170 photos saved to my phone. I know it’s using a lot of memory, but as I scroll through, I sometimes laugh out loud remembering the events that took place leading up to the photo. Other photos bring me peace or help me feel closer to my children who are both now living on their own in different cities. One thing is for sure--My photos have helped me reflect on my life and make positive changes for the future.

1. Someone has to take charge!

This photo accurately describes my role in this family, which is to keep everyone organized and moving forward (even the dog). My husband Lester was a career Navy man and for 30 years, served this great country. The boys and I were and continue to be so proud of him, but his service required him to travel and work long hours. Some duty stations were more demanding than others, but overall, I knew he would be there to help me when he could. Unfortunately, there were times when the boys and I needed help when he was unable to be there. It was in those moments I took charge and did what I needed to do. The one regret I have is that I didn’t do a better job taking care of me. When Lester was around, I should have taken a weekend to myself to sleep in, get a massage, or take a yoga class. Often, when he was home we did family things. I’m not saying I regret spending time with my family. What I’m saying is it’s okay to leave Dad in charge of the house and kids for a weekend and take some time to indulge yourself. This is the whole premise behind Awaken retreats. Let someone take care of you so you can refill your cup and continue doing all the things required for your family. Take charge of your wellbeing!

2. Be accepting.

This photo reminds me I need to support my children’s decisions to go their own way--even if it means I end up with a Vikings fan! My husband always accuses me of trying to brainwash my children into thinking like me. If it were that easy I would have no grey hair. My children are truly amazing but far from perfect. They need to make mistakes in order to learn. One of the hardest things for me as a parent is to sit back and do nothing knowing my kids are headed toward failure. As a society, we have tried to shield our children from far too many things. Kids need to fail in order to learn and find their way. My kids know I’m always here for them and will help them if they ask for it, but for now they need to figure it out!! They know I may not always like the choices they make, but I will accept their choices.

3. Always remember your roots and how you became who you are.

Very few people can say their childhood was perfect. Like many families my parents struggled financially, but my siblings and I never went without. My parents taught us how to support each other. I know how cliche it sounds to say we are always here for each other,  but time and time again this cliche has been tested. Through deaths, illnesses, and everyday struggles we have provided for each other. I feel growing up this way allowed me to take risks and try new things. If things didn’t work out for me, I knew my family had my back! My hope is that my boys, nieces, and nephews have the same bond with each other and their cousins that I’ve had with mine.  

The awkward moments are the ones that help build the lasting bonds in life. However, every now and again, the planets align, everyone is looking at the camera at the same time, and for that one moment…….magic!

How I Learned to Embrace Imperfection

Lately, as I scroll through Facebook looking at posts, I’m seeing this trend to post positive, inspirational quotes that express how lucky we are and how blessed we should feel to be healthy and alive. Although I love these quotes and find they can be inspirational, I also feel like sometimes people project a fake image of positivity to the world. There are days when I just don’t feel inspirational and want to be crabby and selfish. There are days I’m mad. Not at anyone in particular, but just mad about not having enough time to do the things I want to do. Other days I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for all I have and the amazing gifts in my life. The older I get, the more I realize I'm human and it’s okay to feel the full range of emotions. It's okay to be a little crabby and selfish. My point is, don’t feel bad for not always thinking positive thoughts. Don’t be afraid to be human and show your many faces to those around you. Let them see the perfect, positive you along with the you who needs a shower and hasn’t combed your hair in two days. What we all need is the courage to show our imperfections to the world and be okay with not being perfect. Both my sister Danna and I rummaged through our photos and found pictures of ourselves where we don’t have makeup on and are far from perfect, but we feel strong and empowered because we are showing our authentic selves.

Danna feels empowered because on this trip she was able to accomplish something she never would have done in her younger years. In the beginning she was very apprehensive and nervous about being in such a remote place. She felt helpless and vulnerable. However, after listening to nature and realizing she had the courage to let go of needing to be in control, she was able to find her spirit.

In this picture I feel empowered because I have overcome some major confidence hurdles to build an amazing bond with my horse, Hope. When she first came to me, she had trust issues and wouldn’t come to me in the field or even allow me to be near her face. I also had trust issues and didn’t like the feeling of knowing she could throw me at any time. It has taken almost two years, but we built a relationship of trust and mutual respect. She now allows me to kiss her, lunge her with no lunge line, and she runs up to see me in the field. Through this process I have learned it is okay to be scared to do something, but it’s not okay to let fear keep you from living.  

Your challenge this week is to find an “imperfect picture” and post it. Tell all your “friends” on Facebook, or whatever social media you use, why you feel empowered by your imperfection. Embrace your authentic self!

How I make Changes that Stick

This is the time of year when many of us have given up on our New Year’s resolutions and are back to our old eating and non-exercise habits. We promise ourselves this will be the year for real change, but again are unable to commit. Why? Well, I’ve thought long and hard about this question. One reason it’s so difficult to stick to new diet and exercise plans is because we are unrealistic. One of the hardest things for me is, when I don’t lose 50 pounds the first two weeks of my new diet, I feel like a failure. In my mind, when I attend my first exercise class in two years, I feel I should be able to complete the workout like the instructor who has been teaching the class daily for the last five years. Unrealistic!!

This year I’ve attacked my goals in a new way. I made no New Year’s resolutions! I’ve made small changes that I know I can stick to. For example, I started by cutting soda out of my diet. After that was no longer difficult, I cut back on my sugar intake. I began doing activities I enjoy like cross country skiing and hiking. Now I attend exercise classes three times a week. Exercise is becoming fun again, and I’ve lost 15 pounds since September. If I could give any advice, it would be don’t jump on a new fad diet or buy expensive exercise equipment. Do the things you enjoy, and make small changes to your diet. Most importantly, be patient with yourself! Small changes over time become lifestyle changes you can commit to. The best part is, I once again feel good about myself. Weight loss has not been immediate and I’m not bikini ready, but I’ve made small changes I can continue to follow without feeling deprived. What are you waiting for? Make one small change starting now!!

Women's Wave Wisconsin

This weekend I jumped in my Subaru, grabbed my pink hat, and headed to Madison to march in solidarity with women marching in Washington D.C., on the same day! I had no idea what to expect. The morning was very cold and Madison got a lot of snow Friday night. The crowd was smaller than I expected, with approximately 700 people in attendance, but the energy and excitement were hypnotizing! There were speakers from all over the state talking about issues affecting women of all different ages, races, and socio-economic situations.

To me the best part was seeing women feeling empowered and letting their voices be heard. When the word feminist is used, the image of women burning their bras with hairy armpits come to many people’s minds. However, most bras are far too expensive to burn!! Instead the state capital steps were filled with women, most of whom were wearing their bras, who want to be policy  makers, feel safe in their communities, and support their families. To me a feminist is someone who celebrates her uniqueness and the fact that she is different from men, but still feels she deserves equal opportunities. I will continue to celebrate women and their unique contributions to the world I live in, and I’ll continue to foster my uniqueness!

The other AWAKENing

When I hit my forties, I blamed being tired all the time on my age, my stressful job, being an unpaid Uber driver for my children, and endless loads of laundry. No matter how many Saturday mornings I slept in or afternoon naps I took, my energy level didn’t increase. Not long ago I ran across a saying by Brooke Hampton that was an absolute “ah ha” moment for me:

“No, we don’t need more sleep.

It’s our souls that are tired, not our bodies.

We need nature. We need magic. We need adventure.

We need freedom. We need truth. We need stillness.

We don’t need more sleep, we need to wake up and live.”

This is the explanation I’ve been seeking. My soul is tired. My cup is empty. My days are predictable. I need to wake up my carefree, spontaneous spirit. Find my joy. So, I’ve started cross country skiing again, hiking, cooking healthy meals, and remembering what makes me unique. My mission is to find balance and clarity--find myself again--AWAKEN to the beauty and wonder nature, self-empowerment, and healthy eating can provide. Here’s to a new beginning. Here’s to rediscovering my magic. Here’s to what is bound to be an amazing adventure!